


athazagoraphobia

by gavinuwus



Category: Detroit Evolution - Fandom, Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Gavin Reed is Bad at Feelings, Gay Disaster Gavin Reed, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Touch-Starved, Touch-Starved Gavin Reed, because I said so, gavin wears oversized hoodies with cats on them, i love these idiots way too much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 07:54:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30001686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gavinuwus/pseuds/gavinuwus
Summary: athazagoraphobia: (n.) the fear of forgetting, being forgotten or ignored, or being replaced.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Kudos: 37





	athazagoraphobia

**Author's Note:**

> the writing's a bit of a mess but who cares, lets goo

"Get home safe, Detective! Have a good night!"

Hearing these words coming out of Nines' mouth completely caught Gavin off guard. He wasn't used to other people giving a shit whether he would 'get home safe' or 'die in a car accident'. Another thing that made Gavin's whole body shiver was Nines' glance when he told him to 'have a good night'. Why was he being so nice? Despite Gavin acting like a jerk every five seconds, Nines still managed to be as polite as possible. Gavin would've never dared to admit it, but he really appreciated it.

"Uhh, y-yeah, thanks, Nines."

Jesus, what was that? Not a single insult? Okay, maybe he was way too tired to give a shit about stuff like that. He just wanted to get home and forget about all this.

He stormed out of the precinct, quickly got into his car and started the engine, not looking back as he drove home.

* * *

Gavin arrived at his apartment. He got in, kicked off his shoes, threw his jacket on the couch, followed by his shirt, unbuttoned his jeans and threw them on the couch as well. He noticed both of his cats already asleep on the couch, curled up in two small balls of fur, one black, and one orange. A fatigued giggle escaped Gavin's lips.

"Fucking cats," he mumbled, slightly shaking his head at the pure adorableness that just blessed his eyes.

He then proceeded to sleepily walk towards his bedroom, opened the closet and grabbed the most comfortable thing he could find.

In this case, it was an oversized, black hoodie with a cute, sleepy, little cat on it. He was smiling as he held the piece of fabric in his hands, thinking back to the innocent sight of his cats sleeping on the couch. He roughly pulled on his hoodie and calmed down as he felt the soft material brushing over his skin.

He noticed one of his cats, Rocky, sneaking into his bedroom, jumping on his bed and lying down on his blanket.

"Hey, dipshit, what do you think you're doing, huh?" Gavin asked the orange cat, voice sounding almost uninterested as if he didn't actually care.

Rocky just stared at him and let out a quiet meow. Gavin made his way to the bed and softened as he carefully petted the cat's head, his fingers right between the little animal's ears.

"Yeah, you like that, don't you? You're probably as touch-starved as I am," Gavin admitted to himself, something he never would have said if anyone else was around.

Ironically, Rocky stood up, jumped off the bed and left the bedroom.

"Or maybe not," Gavin rolled his eyes, letting out a tired groan as he lazily collapsed into bed.

There weren't many people who were allowed to see Gavin like this, all wholesome and not-asshole-y. Especially not when he was wearing that black hoodie with that cute, sleepy, little cat on it. Just the thought of people like Hank or Connor seeing him like this was already enough to make him question all of his life decisions.

It's not like he cared about what other people thought of him, he simply just didn't want other people to find out that he probably wasn't as much of a jerk as he always seemed to be. And that he was actually pretty... _vulnerable_.

Needy. Sensitive. Affectionate. Probably too affectionate. Fuck. Way too affectionate.

And it was definitely easier to let other people think you're just an asshole without any personality trait other than being asshole than it is to explain all of these emotions, letting alone the fact that he himself was never quite sure _how_ to even start to explain them in the first place.

Even Nines was probably better at showing emotions than he was, even though he had only been deviant for like five months.

And especially when it came to things like _love_ , Gavin had no idea what was going on.

Shit, sexuality was something Gavin never really understood either. To him personally, gender never really played a great role when it came to feelings or attraction. If there was a person he liked, he liked them. End of story.

The only problem was that, most of the time, he failed to realize _when_ he was falling in love with someone.

Plus, it was already hard enough to find a person who would love him anyway. Someone who would love him for the mess he was, the mess he couldn't hide. He knew how fucked up he was. He also knew how small the chances of finding somebody who was stupid enough to fall in love with him were.

Gavin Reed - just some mean bastard that wasn't special in any way at all, was he? That didn't deserve to fall in love? That didn't deserve to have someone care about him? That probably didn't even deserve to have such a perfect partner as Nines by his side?

Fuck. That's what was happening, right? He was slowly developing feelings for Nines, wasn't he? No fucking way. Maybe he was just too tired. He had to be. There was no way he was falling in love with an android. He had to admit though... having Nines as a partner was pretty cool. They had a rough start, of course, but that was nothing new. Not with Gavin being involved. Gavin had a rough start with _everyone_. But it felt different with Nines.

Whenever Nines was talking to him, he actually felt... _nervous_.

This was happening, wasn't it? Regardless of whether Gavin was going to admit or not. But there was no change Nines would ever like him back. And even if there was, it wouldn't take much time until he'd realize how much of a prick Gavin was. And if even _that_ wasn't the case, then he'd probably just leave him like everybody else in his life already did.

Every single day, he was wondering whether or not there was a _single_ person out there who truly cared about him, besides Tina, Chris and perhaps his two cats, Lucky and Rocky. And it's not like he wasn't grateful for Tina's and Chris' friendship, he really was. It was just that he craved something else, something _intense_ , something that would make him want to wake up and get out of bed every morning.

But given his current state, that was something Gavin could only _dare_ to dream of.

In conclusion, he was sure that he was going to die alone. Forgotten by everyone, trapped in isolation. Probably one of his worst fears, if not _the_ worst. He once googled if there was any specific term for that kind of fear. And he did find something.

_athazagoraphobia: (n.) the fear of forgetting, being forgotten or ignored, or being replaced._

* * *

He thought that this night was going to be different, that he had grown as a person, that he could leave all of his demons behind, that he could have a peaceful night for _once_. But that wasn't the case. Never was, never will.

Gavin was feeling like shit, not quite sure whether he was just lovestruck or had actually caught something bad. Nonetheless, he felt like throwing up. He couldn't stop thinking about Nines. This damn tin can just wouldn't leave his mind. No matter what the hell he tried, _nothing_ was going to erase this fucking android off his goddamn mind.

These beautiful grey eyes of his, his long, bony fingers, his soft but strong arms and this precious smile across his face. He was way too handsome to ignore. Gavin would give probably _anything_ to wake up next to him every morning, to be given the opportunity to press a kiss on his lips, to be given the opportunity to tell him how much he needed him in his life.

"Why won't this fucking piece of plastic just leave me the fuck alone?" Gavin grumbled, pressing his pillow against his own face, trying to hide his embarrassment, even though nobody was there.

* * *

The night itself was actually going _okay_ , despite him being an emotional wreck. Until he got woken up by a loud noise coming from the front door in the middle of the night. It sounded like someone was knocking on Gavin's apartment door, which was probably the case. It took some moments for Gavin to realize that this noise he was hearing was actually real, and not from his dream.

"Fuck, what time is it?" Gavin groaned, one hand rubbing over his face in an attempt to wake himself up. He sleepily glanced over to his phone, reached out for it and turned it on. It was 3:27 am. Who the fuck would even knock on Gavin's door at this ungodly hour?

He let out a frustrated sigh and threw his legs over the edge of the bed and managed to find enough strength to pull himself up. He stumbled his way to the door, pissed and tired. Without hesitation, he opened the door, too annoyed to even care to look through the peep hole first.

"Listen, I'm fucking tired, okay? So whatever the hell you want, I don't," Gavin was about to rant when he saw _who_ was standing before him and completely _froze_. His eyes widened, his mouth stood open in shock, and for some strange reason, he even forgot to breathe for a second. His heart literally skipped a fucking beat. It was the last person he had expected.

It was Nines. Just like that. Standing right before him, facing him eye to eye...

But there was something off about him. Real off.

His clothes were drenched in rainwater, there were tiny blue scratches on his face, and his hands were... _shaking_. What was going on? Even his LED was flickering red like crazy.

Though the thing that scared Gavin the most was the expression on Nines' face. He had never seen him this worried and scared before. The sight of that sent a wave of chills down his spine.

"Jesus, Nines, what happened to you?" Gavin figured that this wasn't the right time for sarcastic remarks.

"Gavin... I-I didn't," Nines stumbled over his words, obviously not knowing what to say. "They tried to..."

Then it struck Gavin like lightning. He saw tears forming around Nines' eyes. Actual fucking tears.

"Hey, hey, Nines, w-what the fuck happened to you?" Gavin stared at the android before he decided to pull him close to his chest, desperately trying to calm him down somehow. Seeing Nines cry like this, all weak and vulnerable, not like his usual self, it was way too much, even for Gavin. "Hey, you're safe, okay? It's gonna be fine."

Whatever happened to his poor partner must've really had a traumatizing effect on him.

"Let's get your ass inside, alright? We can sit down on the couch and talk. Sound good?" Gavin suggested in a soft tone, cautiously pulling away from Nines. It was only then that Gavin noticed that the android's LED had changed its color to yellow.

Nines just silently nodded in agreement, following Gavin into his apartment.

* * *

Gavin wanted to make sure Nines felt _safe_ with him. He picked up a blanket from his bedroom and wrapped it around Nines' shoulders, and then sat down next to him. Once he was wrapped up in the blanket, he tried to tell Gavin the story, but couldn't bring himself to talk. His LED immediately flickered bright red again.

"Hey, take all the time you need. No pressure," Gavin reassured Nines, placing a hand on the android's knee.

"Thanks," Nines' LED sprung back to yellow, which was _much_ better than red.

Out of nowhere, one of Gavin's cats, Lucky, woke up and snuggled right up against Nines' thigh, lying down to continue sleeping.

"Go on, pet her," Gavin advised, his hand pointing towards the black cat. "It might _decrease your stress levels_ , don't you think?"

"Very funny," Nines grinned at Gavin, carefully starting to caress the cat's head. She let out a mellow meow as she felt the android's touch. Nines' LED finally shone in a steady blue light again. It was such a sweet sight. It seemed like Gavin was _actually_ able to comfort Nines a bit. (Well, and the cat, of course.)

Nines looked up to Gavin and took a deep breath before he felt like he had cooled down enough to start explaining his situation to Gavin.

"I think I'm ready," Nines stated, his voice still sounding like he was about to tear up.

"Okay," the human whispered, giving his partner a slight smile.

Nines plucked up all his courage and started talking.

"Everything just happened so fast. I didn't even know what was happening myself. There were people, four of them. And they," his LED sprung back to yellow again. Gavin slowly moved closer to Nines, holding out his hand for support. Nines accepted, his hand uniting with the detective's.

"They insulted me, pushed me around, threw me on the ground, punched me, kicked me... it was horrible," Nines explained, his whole body shivering in both anger and sadness, his voice cracking up more and more as he spoke. His LED was spinning between red and yellow, but turned back to a light blue when he saw what the human was doing.

Gavin carefully squeezed his hand a little to let him know that he was _safe_ with him, that there was no reason to worry. He wasn't going to leave him behind. If there ever was a time Gavin could prove he could be a supporting friend, it was right now.

"I just wanted to know what it feels like to be alive, Gavin. I just wanted to see what it feels like to walk around freely, not having to worry about anybody else. Yeah, guess I'm never doing that again," Nines stared at the ground, not being able to find the strength to look Gavin in the eye.

"Come on, just because some fuckers messed with you? Was it really _that_ bad?" Gavin asked in a curious tone, not realizing that his question was quite thoughtless.

"You weren't there! You don't have the slightest idea what they did to me! They ridiculed me! There was no chance I could have defended myself in that situation," Nines snapped at him, most likely angered by Gavin's partially inconsiderate response.

Gavin shrank back, startled by the harshness of Nines' voice, also pulling away his hand in the process.

That's it. He fucked up again. Fuck. Why was he such an idiot?

"Sorry, Gavin. I didn't mean it like that," Nines tried to express regret over his small outburst, but was immediately interrupted by Gavin's words.

"No, it's okay. I get it. I was being insensitive. I just get like that sometimes. Sorry about that," Gavin apologized, playing with his hands, anxious about the fact that he just upset Nines.

"I understand. A-and thank you for even opening the door for me. I truly didn't mean to disturb you at this time of the night. I-I just didn't know what to do, I didn't know where to go, and then... I remembered that you lived here, so I came by," Nines stuttered, overwhelmed by this entire incident.

"No worries, it's all good," Gavin reassured the android. "But, uhm, is everything alright? Like, are there any damages in your system or something like that?"

"Fortunately, no. I've been pretty lucky there. Could have been way worse," Nines informed the human, his voice sounded _cold_ and _serious_.

"Worst case scenario?"

That was when their conversation took a different turn, a much more honest and _sincere_ turn. Gavin would've never thought this conversation would actually happen, but here they were. And there was no going back.

"Memory loss."

Silence. You could literally hear a pin drop, that's how quiet it got.

"Oh," was all Gavin could say at first. That was not the answer he had expected. Not at all. "Are you actually... _scared_ that this could happen?"

"I don't know. There are still so many things to see, so many things to figure out. And it would be a shame if I lost all of my current experience regarding deviancy, you know?'

That was probably the most human Nines had ever sounded. It unironically shocked Gavin how open-minded the android was.

"Besides, I wouldn't want to lose--- uhm, never mind."

"What?"

"Forget about it. It doesn't matter."

"Nines."

"Gavin."

"Tell me what you were going to say."

"I told you already. It doesn't matter."

"Well, it matters to me, so."

Nines closed his eyes, struggling to find the right words. His LED started blinking bright yellow.

"Please, Nines."

The android opened his eyes, LED turning back to blue again.

There was nothing that could have prepared Gavin for Nines' answer.

"I'm scared of losing you, Gavin. I know you don't care about me, and I keep trying to tell myself to stop worrying about you, but I can't. And just the bare thought of not remembering you is _terrifying_ to me. It's the strongest emotion I've ever felt."

Fuck. Nines was scared of forgetting, and Gavin was scared of being forgotten. How fucking fitting. It's funny how life goes sometimes, isn't it?

Maybe they weren't that different after all. Maybe they both shared the same fate.

Gavin didn't know how to respond. There was so much he wanted to say and do, but he couldn't bring himself to do _anything_. He just sat there, hoping that Nines would say something. And he did.

"I'm sorry, that was stupid. I'll see myself out," Nines shook his head in remorse, immediately regretting what he just confessed, got up off the couch, and made his way to the front door.

Now it was just Gavin, his cats and his blanket left on the couch. Nines was about to _leave_. The thought of Nines leaving sent a stabbing, stinging pain through the human's stomach. He couldn't let that happen. 

As soon as Nines opened the door to the dark corridor, Gavin started to panic. He knew he had to make a decision, or else Nines would leave.

"Wait. Don't go."

Nines stopped and hesitantly turned around.

Gavin got up off the couch and walked towards the android, his mind raced like crazy, filled with a million different thoughts.

They stood in front of each other, looking deep into each other's eyes. Nines looked like he was about to break down in tears, but so did Gavin. He still had no idea what to say.

Words were never really something Gavin was good with anyway. That's why he wasn't really surprised by his own actions when he pulled Nines into a hug.

He buried his face into the android's shoulder and wrapped his arms around him in desperation. It was obvious that he was longing this kind of bodily closeness for a _long_ time. And it felt so fucking good.

Nines rested his chin on Gavin's head and carefully stroked the human's back, trying to give Gavin the affection he seemed to need at that moment.

"Your clothes are still fucking wet," Gavin's voice muffled against his partner's jacket.

Nines let out a snorting laughter, admiring the detective's dry remark.

"And just for the record, I do care about your plastic ass, tin can," Gavin added. There was no going back. This was _really_ happening. 

"You do know that I'm not made out of plastic, right?"

"Shut up and don't ruin the moment."

"I would never intend to."

Nines did as Gavin said, stayed silent and just enjoyed the moment. He knew how hard it must have been for Gavin to show his vulnerable side, especially given the fact that his angry attitude was usually common knowledge. That's what made him appreciate this moment even more.

Gavin cautiously pulled away from Nines, though his gaze still fixated on the other man's face.

"Also, I'm not fucking letting you leave tonight. Not after what these motherfuckers did to you. Understood?" Gavin's voice sounded almost _demanding_ , mainly because he really wanted Nines to understand how worried he was about him.

"Yeah, I suppose that would be a good idea."

* * *

"And you really don't mind me wearing one of your hoodies?"

"You wanna wear _your_ clothes instead? Besides, what's wrong with fluffy cats on hoodies?" Gavin asked in a slightly offended tone as he turned off the light of his bedside lamp, which caused the room to completely darken.

"Nothing," Nines pointed out. "They are quite charming, actually. And really soft."

"Yeah, just please don't tell anyone at the precinct about this, okay? I have a reputation to uphold," Gavin made it sound like he was joking, but to tell the truth, there was a bit of seriousness involved in his words.

"No worries, your secret is safe with me. I don't blame you for not wanting other people to see that side of you. I know how uncomfortable sharing personal stuff can be, even if it may not seem like a big deal," Nines reassured him, putting his hand on Gavin's arm and lightly stroking the human's skin with his thumb.

"Thanks..."

Gavin didn't even flinch at the touch. And he sure as hell didn't mind. Nines' hand was so fucking soft, and the intention behind his action also felt so _genuine_. He just couldn't believe that Nines was _actually_ lying right next to him. Just like that. Both of them wrapped up in blankets, lying in the same bed, their skin connecting through the touch - it was the greatest thing Gavin had felt in a very long time.

He was sure at this point. He was in love. And there was no reason to hide his true feelings anymore. Not when he knew that Nines felt the same way.

About the only thing that made him reconsider was the fact that he was still fucking scared about the idea of being abandoned or replaced by Nines. Nines was one of the only people he truly trusted, but his fears were still there. His fears would _always_ be there, no matter how hard he tried to deny their existence.

But knowing the android had similar fears made him feel like he wasn't alone. It made him feel more _human_. It made him feel like it was okay to be vulnerable, needy, sensitive, affectionate - all the things he had considered a burden just a few hours ago.

And maybe one day, he would be able to overcome his fears. It was definitely going to be a long way, but with Nines by his side, that thought actually seemed _possible_.

His eyes were already shut, his breath got steadier, his body relaxed and his heart calmed down. Just when he was about to let go of reality, he heard Nines whispering for one last time of the night.

"Thank you for everything, Gavin."

"Partners look out for each other, don't they?"

"Yeah, they do."

And for one last time of the night, Gavin's and Nines' fingers intertwined, creating such an extraordinary atmosphere that it left Gavin with goosebumps all over his body.

"Good night, Nines."

"Good night, Gavin."

Gavin was at peace with his mind, slowly drifting away in soothing thoughts. A content smile escaped his lips before he closed his tired eyes and fell asleep again.

And in the morning, he would finally have the opportunity to press a kiss on Nines' lips and tell him how much he needed him in his life, even if the thought itself scared him to death. At least he would have the _opportunity_. That's all that mattered to him.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! :D  
> gavin reed i love you now give me a kiss


End file.
